I am a complete failure.

I’ve always had big dreams.  Things pop in my head, and I start to obsess.  I want to make them happen.

I wrote a screenplay with a friend.  We thought it was good.  We thought we were on our way.  I told my girlfriend at the time that she would probably have to sign a prenup before we got married.  (She didn’t.  But the joke’s on her because she’s been stuck with me for the past 17yrs)

But Hollywood never called.

I wrote some songs.  Tried playing the guitar and singing a little.  No talent or skills to speak of, but I figured, what the heck.  So, I surrounded myself with better musicians.  We made it work but never hit it big.  When the band broke up, we split up the 4 years worth of saved money from gigs.  I got a check for $95.

A local tv station wanted me to make some videos. 60 second house call style.  But I didn’t want to talk about regular medical stuff, and I was just too lazy to do the prep work.  (Also, I have a face for radio).

I wrote a book once.  I reread and rewrote it a dozen times.  Something was missing.  I never could figure out what.  So I scrapped it.

In high school, I wasn’t valedictorian (my wife was).

In college, I was surrounded by all the biology majors.  They were all pre-med.  I knew I would never get into medical school.  Too much competition.

In organic chemistry, I flunked the first test.  So I buckled down and studied harder.  I was one of 5 people to get an A on the next test.  I still ended up with a C for the semester.

I went to a medical school interview.  The guy looked at my application and said, “You think these grades are good enough?”


He just shook his head and looked away.

I was done for.

The list goes on.  But you get the point.

People like to tell me I’m lucky.  That good things always seem to fall in my lap.

And maybe they’re right.

But what they don’t see is all the times I’ve screwed up.  All the times I was picked last.  All the times I got knocked flat.  All the nights I stayed up studying.  The 3 a.m. phone calls.  The early mornings writing.  All the cups of coffee.

There are things we control in this life, and there are things that control us.

Fate leads us like a dog on a cart.

There are the things that matter, and there are the things that turn to dust.

You can wish for things to be better, or you can wish for them to be just the way they are.

Every day that the sun rises is another day.

Good Luck and God Speed.

Holden Caulfield


I need to make a brief clarification to the above.  When I graduated, there were co-valedictorians: My wife Katherine and our friend Joli Crenshaw (Holzhauer).  Both AMAZING people!


originally posted @ doctorchrispark.com